


Impertinence

by nightrose



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Dehumanization, Gen, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 12:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6803449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightrose/pseuds/nightrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The asset (code name "Bucky") has realised this new handler he remembers from before is pleased when Bucky is impertinent and casual with his superiors. Secondary handler Falcon has not shown any such tendency. Still, it's worth the slap to the face or the beating he'll get for the question if Steve will be pleased when he finds out.</p><p>Or: the carseat scene, but with less fun banter and more trauma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impertinence

**Author's Note:**

> Civil War dragged me into this fandom kicking and screaming, there's no help for me now. Bucky's trauma recovery narrative owns my entire soul.
> 
> This is my first entry into the fandom, and it's not a very nice one. It's from Bucky's POV, and turns what was a pleasant scene into yet another experience of dehumanization and trauma. If you don't care to read that, please do not. There's no explicit description of primary trauma, but the aftereffects, including dehumanization, severe fear, and identity issues, are very clear. 
> 
> Contains extremely minor spoilers for Civil War, nothing plot-related.

The soldier tries not to have preferences. It is a weapon, and it obeys mission prerogatives. Properly, it ought not to prefer some to others. 

However, as its former superiors made very clear, it was almost always malfunctioning. 

Right now, the soldier must admit to itself that it does not enjoy its new handler’s preferred code of behavior. 

The situation is very clear to the soldier. It may be frequently malfunctioning (stupid worthless disappointment it remembers those words) but it would not have survived this long without being clever enough to at least figure out parameters as simple as these. 

Captain America is its handler, possibly even its original owner. It remembers him from before it was made into the soldier, although those memories are distant and indistinct. Therefore, his orders, both explicit and unspoken, are most important, and he decides what to do with the soldier. Maybe because of what happened before, which the soldier can scarcely remember, it even feels a desire to please him. Usually it does not wish to please its handlers: it knows it is obligated to comply, and it fears the pain and punishment that will come with disobedience, but this burning want to make a handler happy is a new thing.

They are on a mission: goal, to destroy the other soldiers. This will require a complicated set of actions. The Captain determines what they are. The soldier is a gun. It shoots where it is pointed.

Also on this mission is another officer, the Falcon. Captain America calls the Falcon “Sam.” The soldier tries not to call either of them anything at all. It does not know if they will expect the same forms of address as its previous handlers did. Generally they seem displeased when it relies on HYDRA protocols. The Falcon is the soldier’s superior: everyone is. His former handlers made it very clear to the soldier that he was at the bottom of every hierarchy, only slightly more than an object. Any order is to be obeyed. Still, the Falcon defers to the Captain, and it is the Captain who is the soldier’s superior.

The soldier follows orders in the following hierarchy: spoken orders from its handler, unspoken orders from its handler, spoken orders from another superior, its base programming, unspoken orders from another superior. Therefore, although both the soldier’s base programming and the unspoken orders coming from the Falcon are in agreement that the proper behavior of the soldier while not in use should be silent (ideally), obedient (when spoken to), and deferential (if it must speak on its own), the Captain’s desires supersede all of that.

The soldier is aware that it used to go under the codename James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, and that it used this codename when it was the property of the Captain originally. It has done its research about the Barnes persona, how it acted, how it spoke. The Captain is obviously and visibly pleased when it uses the Barnes persona, which makes sense as it must have been the Captain who originally trained the soldier in these behaviors. For some reason, it can’t remember that training. Perhaps it was wiped, although it is usually allowed to remember receiving new training protools. This is irrelevant, and the soldier refocuses its thoughts. The important thing is fulfilling the Captain’s desires, which is clearly for the soldier to re-adopt the Barnes persona as thoroughly as it is able to. 

Whatever training methods the Captain used, although the soldier cannot remember them, must have been very effective. It finds itself shivering with pleasure whenever the Captain smiles at it, as though it is being rewarded, but without any active interaction on the Captain’s part. It would take on the Barnes persona regardless of how it felt, of course—the Captain’s pleasure is paramount. Still, the constant sense of reward helps, since there is also the constant fear of punishment. Behaving as the Captain wishes requires the soldier to act in ways it normally never would. It knows that this behavior is bound to lead to punishment, even though the Captain has not punished him yet, but it is not permitted to disobey orders simply to save itself pain. 

Bucky Barnes, a biography had said, was never afraid to demand from the world what he wanted. The soldier, as all its training says, is not supposed to want anything.

A contradiction. The soldier is almost grateful it is such a failure at its original protocols. It has never been able to stop wanting things. It still registers pain, physical need, even discomfort.

For instance, right now it is in the back of a small vehicle. This is much more comfortable than how it is usually transported. It isn’t in cryo, or chained, or caged. It’s just sitting in the back. However, the space is very small, and its legs are falling asleep. It has taken stock of its surroundings, and knows that a lever on the Falcon’s seat will move his seat either forward or back.

Bucky Barnes was never afraid to demand from the world what he wanted. The Captain desires for the soldier to be Bucky Barnes. The Captain’s desires are of primary importance. The soldier’s implied orders are clear. 

It does not take the time to consider the punishment it will surely receive from the Falcon for following them. It expects a beating, dimly, but new handlers have new protocols. There’s no sense in it trying to guess, particularly since it doesn’t matter what the consequences will be. It has orders to follow. 

“Can you move your seat up?” it says to the Falcon. 

“No,” comes the response that it was expecting. The Falcon continues to stare straight ahead, not looking at the soldier. The soldier braces itself for pain. It expects a slap at the very least, for speaking out of turn, if not a full beating for the inane content of its comment. It expects to be removed from the seat and placed in the trunk, if there is no cage or other restraint available, so that it will learn gratitude.

But none of that happens. The Falcon just keeps his eyes trained on the Captain, ignoring the soldier as much as possible. The soldier is used to being ignored, comfortable with it even. Yet it remembers, from the voiceover in a black and white documentary. Bucky Barnes was always the center of attention, in Brooklyn or in the army. They’re in neither of those places now, but the soldier is obligated to fulfill the Barnes persona’s protocols nonetheless. Obedience doesn’t allow it to do what it most wants, which is to feel gratitude for having escaped punishment and to sink back into its seat, hoping to remain invisible and thus to avoid pain. It doesn’t remember becoming Bucky Barnes, but it remembers being him, and it knows what Bucky would do. With a look, a disrespectful glare, at the Falcon, it scoots over into the space behind the Captain’s vacant seat where it can stretch its legs out. 

Being comfortable is a remarkable new feeling for the soldier.

The Falcon glares back at it, giving it a truly icy look, but he doesn’t say anything, or do anything. Maybe he isn’t authorized to discipline the soldier, or maybe he’s been told not to contradict the Captain’s preferences, or maybe he’s simply waiting for the Captain to return so they can carry out the soldier’s punishment together. The soldier isn’t sure what, but slowly begins to relax into its new location, since pain doesn’t seem to be imminent.

It waits for its new owner to return from his conversation with the woman. It allows itself to hope that the Captain will notice its new position, and prompt it to explain why. Maybe he will be pleased with the soldier. Even if the Falcon decides to punish the soldier for its impertinence later, it has followed its orders, which is all it is programmed to do.

And all of that will be worth it, if maybe the Captain will smile.


End file.
